I have quite a few friends (10+) that have recently announced that they're pregnant. Usually, I'd be so excited for them and give a sincere congratulations. Now, I say this: "Can you believe so-and-so is pregnant?! It's just crazy!" Scott: "Yeah, well, that's good right?" Me: "Yeah, I guess so. But, they shouldn't be having a baby. They've only been married so many months and they're not in the best financial situation anyway. We've been married longer and are way better off to have a baby right now." And then I write them to most non-sincere "Yay! I'm so happy for you!" to them.
How silly and mean is that? I just can't help myself though. I feel like I deserve to get pregnant because I'm ready and we're in a great position to have a baby. We have a home to raise a baby in, no debt, steady jobs, we've been married 2 years, etc. It's all these reasons that keep me thinking, why? Why haven't I gotten pregnant yet? I know the birth control taken with the shot can take some time to disappear, but why has it taken so long?
I'm just at this point where it is constantly on my mind (probably more than Scott realizes) and I become upset and frustrated and sad whenever I think about it. I'm not sure how to keep my mind off of it, especially when so many of my facebook friends either have babies and post millions of pictures of them or talk constantly about being pregnant. And no, I can't just stop getting on facebook. I have a
Also, church is really hard to go to now. We are stuck in the ward we are in. There's no moving for a while. It is really hard for me to adjust and feel like I fit in when 98% of the ward has kids. I know that we can still make friends, but it's just harder for me. Scott tries to help by saying to not think or worry about it too much, but how can I?
Anyways, point is...I want a baby and I want it now!
P.S. Since I don't have my own baby, here's pictures of our baby kitty Maddie. :)
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| She loves playing inside of bags. |
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| She pulled this towel down and into the sink to sleep on. |
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| Oops...I think I got her addicted to drinking out of the sink. This girl LOVES water! |
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| We love sharing our peaches with this silly girl! |
Oh Emily, I'm so sorry! I'm sure you've already heard everything before, but keep the faith! Everything happens in the Lord's own time, whether we like it or not (I've had two miscarriages in the past). I don't know how long you've been trying, but any amount of time seems like forever when you've decided you're ready. Remember though, trying's the fun part! Hehe...
ReplyDeleteYep, keep the faith. This may sound weird, but I think your kids in heaven know when they are supposed to come and they chose you and Scott to come to! This may also sound weird, but I believe you can pray for the health/hormones of your body and the Lord will help as much as his will. He notices you guys and your faith in wanting kids. Also, with facebook, I have a hard time with that too, seeing people have things you want, for me it's better to just remove yourself from it as much as you can for a little while, till you feel you are content and in a good place to be genuinely happy with yourself and for others. Gives me a break from comparing, and I do feel happier. It's hard, but just learn to be happy now (even if you are waiting) and maybe then, you won't have to wait much longer.
ReplyDeletePrincess, it is said that the best things happen when you really aren't looking or expect them. I've had that in my life many times. Scott and Bri are right... patience and faith are the best mix right now. Nature will take its course and you will be blessed. Love you!!
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